As human beings, our instinct is to look for and create happiness. To get there, we are constantly looking at ways of making this happen. At times we do not know where to look and how to create and make it happen. We are caught up with a whirlpool of disappointments, tears, disillusionments, pain and suffering, which are inevitable. As human beings, we have the inner potential and strength to find and create our own happiness.  We are also very capable of creating our own unhappiness.

Essentially, we have the ability and capacity to create happiness from within and not look for it on the outside. It all depends on the way we choose to: Think, Feel, Act with peace, courage, balance, focus and confidence. For an experience, there must be always a cause or source and effect or outcome. There must be an experiencer (Me) the experienced (the situation) and the experiencing which is being in the present moment. Now to experience happiness, there must be cause. If am happy, which is my cause or source then I will continue to be happy. However, if the cause or source is one of sadness, then there will be this innate drive to reintroduce or introduce happiness. "You are what you choose to become: Either to be unhappy or happy”.

How do we make those choices and which bring us closer to our inner peace, potential and strength?

What can Brian do immediately to reclaim that inner peace?
Some of the options that are available to him that he is in control of:

• Calling his well-wisher, a person who cares and supports him. The same person who will challenge his thinking with love and compassion. He can share how he is feeling.
• Acknowledge that it is ok to feel unhappy. No need for immediate solutions.
• Be aware and mindful of what are the negative feelings that are rising.
• Don’t push these feelings away. Consider how he can regulate them.
• Recognise he needs the time and space, to calm the mind.
• Scream silently within, his anger and disappointment.
• Shout out silently a strength he values which is going to get him through the difficult situation.

Some thought prompters to reflect, ponder and question...
Now the options that are available for Brian to move from a place of sadness to happiness, are not exhaustive in any shape or form. What is important to consider and be aware of are the some of the following thought prompters:

• To be happy you need to first be sad.
• What are these experiences that are causing these feelings of sadness?
• It is ok to be sad, but not be consumed by it.
• The happiness I am looking for is it going to be sustainable?
• Defining what is peace. Is it tangible or intangible? Do you place an objective or subjective value?
• Do you have the personality and the character to be happy?
• Learning to be the witness of your thoughts.
• Staying independent to all your emotions, actions and thoughts.
• BEING aware and mindful, of how one is feeling and thinking.
• BEING silent with hope and strength and not BE silent with a sense of overwhelming sadness.
  

Written by Murali Neelamegam

To be successful there has to be pain. Well how else are we to know that we are surviving, struggling or thriving to achieve our goals and be successful?

Success can be defined in a number of ways and contexts. In can be in terms of financial, work, health, being happy or peaceful. Success can also be in terms of maintaining a loving relationship. Success is determined by our goals that we put in place either in a structured or unstructured manner. These goals will be driven by needs which are perceived, imposed, created, required or indeed inspired.

What underpins success can be what gives people meaning, values, belief systems, experiences, people, environment and so on. In other words, what is genetically encoded or what we learn. Success can be generally classified from the perspective of the following life domains, namely Work, Relationships, Personal and Community. At different stages in one's life, these life domains will have a different or stronger emphasis.

Success can bring happiness, joy, torment or pain. Generally our appetite for happiness can push us to do things which may contradict our higher and positive values. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be successful. It is a temporary state which can evoke different emotions and these emotions can then affect they way the mind works. When we are elated, we strive to work hard at achieving our goals, however when a mood of resignation or hopelessness kicks in, that is we are struggling in terms of achieving our goals, then our actions can be stalled or questioned.

We all have a past which we are going to draw on and often these experiences can have associated regrets and learnings. It is ok to bring baggage, that is check in baggage that is going to help with our learning and growth. Check out the baggage that is associated with regret. In doing so, one will still carry some joy and pain from the past.

Moving into the future, looking at achieving a person's life goals, it is going to evoke generally a couple of emotions, namely anxiety and excitement. In terms of time, one cannot determine and state specifically what the outcome is going to be. In other words, you can't do much about the future other than the present moment. It is only in the present moment that one can plan and shape the actions that are required to achieve one's goals. However, the challenge would be to have the "presence of mind" to do that. This presence of mind requires a person to "design their thinking", to be more Agile, Confident and Resilient in planning and acting on their plans to achieve their goals and as a consequence being successful.

Essentially in designing a person's thinking with Agility, Resilience and Confidence, there are four phases or "D"s. Discovery, Defining, Developing & Do.

'Discovery' is about deep self introspection, enquiry and reflection. 'Defining' is defining clearly what is the goal and the areas of focus and action. 'Developing' is about developing the options for those things that are excessive and need to be reduced and those things that are deficient and need to be introduced. 'Do' is where actions are implemented with structure, flexibility, indicators and flow.

Murali Neelamegam